When Did Prom Become First Wedding?

When I was in high school no one went to prom. It was considered uncool (yes they still use that word today) and we skipped it went out and met up with everyone afterwards. There was no safe, tightly controlled environment and we all did things and drove and I feel blessed to be alive.

But aside from that is it reality TV that has turned the prom into the wedding and the bat mitzvah into Cinderella's ball? Or is all just a pure merchandising ploy to get parents to spend money they don't have on over priced dresses with "The Label" at a time when our daughters are so heartbreakingly beautiful they would look amazing in green garbage bags.

I vote for the latter. Sick to death of reality TV trying to pretend that the people who use spoon fed lines and have just oh so many dilemmas and mini-traumas and not so mini-traumas are interesting. Keeping Up with the Kardashians? Need I say more.

Prom should be an experience - not a designer set. The asks are a big deal now and there is a sweetness to that I cannot deny. My son asked his girlfriend to prom at the scene of their first date - Pot Belly's - with the song they danced to playing - La Bamba - with the management's help. He was supposed to play the song on the guitar and sing it but dislocated his shoulder the night before.

His date's dress will likely be home made, partly because she's an artist and very talented, and partly because by selling her art she is raising the money to pay for the materials. Now that's retro don't you think?

We are eschewing the limousine for the bus and one of the parents will do the 4:00 AM pick-up after the after party.

Can I guarantee it will be a sober evening - not really. Am I hopeful - yes. Can I guarantee my son will not get behind the wheel of a car - definitely. So I can't really rant - except about the money.

And the world that makes our daughters believe that prom is the most important night in their life so far - really - at least until the wedding.

What about celebrating for who we are, what we have, how lucky we've all been and the bright future ahead. A way to say a fun goodbye to old friends on the way to making new ones. Isn't that what prom is supposed to be?

To Allow Sips or Forbid Them - Does it Matter?

Articles in the Los Angeles Times and on The Partnership at Drug Free.org refer to studies about parents who indulge in an occasional cocktail around their kids and whether or not they should be allowed to do so. You're drinking it and they want to try it.

"No, it's a drink for grown-ups," springs to your lips. But then in the LA Times article they talk about how you ask yourself, "When I cast alcohol as the forbidden fruit, doesn't that just make it more alluring?"

In a recent survey of "pro-sipping" attitudes among mothers of young children in North Carolina, South Carolina and Tennessee, 1 in 4 expressed the belief that allowing a child a sip of an alcoholic drink would likely deter him or her from further drinking because forbidden fruit - is well forbidden fruit. On the other hand, 4 in 10 moms said that not allowing a child to taste would simply increase his or her desire to have it.

I've let my kids sip since they were fairly young. Not a lot but the question "Do you want to taste the wine?" was asked in my household. And in the beginning, my kids did. Now they say no. Why? Well first off they don't really like wine. Second, it's not forbidden in thouse, so it's just not as exciting as it once once. Third, I'm not much of a drinker although I will have a glass of wine when I get home from work - but most of the time only one.

What it comes down too - I think - is not so much whether you allow your children to sip - but how you model drinking in front of them. If you're a heavy drinker and so are your friends kids can go either way. They'll either think well it's OK for my parents and I'm going to do it, or they will be appalled, and drink very little or not at all. The same seems to be true for tobacco and drug use, although we're not going to suggest they try either.

At this point, I have two teenagers, a boy and a girl. If you forbid the boy something and he's 16, chances are he'll find a way to do it. If you forbid the girl she'll probably listen to you - but she's only 13. At this stage, there's not a whole lot I can do to influence their final choices.

So make your own decisions. If there's a history of alcoholism in your family tell your kids. And don't drink much in front of them. Whether they drink young is most likely due to attitudes and genetics. You can't stop that completely without driving them towards what you don't want. But you can help your children develop a value system where they know what the right choices are. Then it's up to them.

Will Kids Drink at After Prom? Don't Doubt It

When I was in high school - as my daughter would say in the dinosaur time - going to the prom was uncool. Now the average price people pay for one night is $1,000 a study says. Prom has developed the same mystique as a wedding. Missing it is a major crisis. Thank reality television for that one.

Some of that cost is for what keeps your child safe - the limousine has replaced driving your own car and After Prom is no longer a wild ride like ours which included going to the beach, building a bonfire, consuming a lot of beer, and jumping in the water sans clothing.

After Prom is at the school, chaperoned by parents, and runs from 12:00 - 4:00 AM which basically finishes the night. The kids feel like they've stayed out, and the parents believe their kids are safe.

My son is a junior and he plans on going to after prom with a group of friends. I think it's really naive to assume there won't be alcohol consumed. What worries me is who drives them home at 4:00 AM? And what have they consumed, smoked or ingested in other ways?

Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of the school offering a potential safe haven alternative to what otherwise would probably end up as a wild party that lasts all night. But I have a lot of questions:

How are you going to get home?
If you don't get home whose house will you stay at?
Can you tell me the names of the other parents who will be hosting beforehand so I know where you'll be and who is driving you?

Now I could get up at 4:00 and just go cart his friends home. Or I could just say no you can't go. But neither of those options are very appealing. And every time I try to get straight answers it goes something like this:

• We don't know where we are staying. 
• We will make a decision that night. 
• I will be with my girlfriend. Her parents are letting her stay out all night? I don't buy that.

I suppose my biggest issue is that I'm a single parent and more of a pushover than I should be. A boy with an absentee dad is not an easy child to raise. And mine is tougher than most. But he's also a good kid, does well in school, comes home when he's supposed too and is for a teenager pretty trustworthy. So I kind of want to let him go. It's high school and he should have fun. You are only young once.

What do I do about alcohol use? Well it's going to be at the after prom or they'll all have drunk already and then it will be time to sober up. I suppose I could volunteer to help, but it's not my son's prom, and quite frankly he wouldn't want me there. What kid would?

So what will happen? If he does go I'm going to go get he and his friends because at least I know I'll be sober. And I'll know whether they are too.

What would you do?